Why?

I hate scooters. Just generally, they really annoy me. The shape, the noise, the diddy wheels, the fact that you put your feet on a platform in front of you instead of either side of the engine. They were made for women, they are to motorcycling what the collapsible bike is to cycling. Anyway, as if they couldn't get any worse, they've brought one out that has a roof. This morning on my way in, I saw one that had two front wheels. WTF? Are they doing this to piss me off or something?

Top of my Wishlist

I wish Outlook would have an alert saying 'Are you sure you want to reply to all?'

File under 'Stupid questions'

We have the sister-in-law staying with us at the moment. (Still. Will she ever leave?) Anyway, last night whilst tucking into my dinner, I asked if the ladies would mind if I changed channels to Sky Sports 1 so I could see the scores come in. They voted in favour of my proposal. I really should have gone to the bedroom to watch because for the next 45 minutes i had the s-i-l inflicting her pearls of wisdom on me. I didn't realise she knew so much about football, or rather talk incessantly about it without actually getting one fact correct. The score I had been waiting for came up 'Coventry 1 Southampton 0'.
'Yes' I cried in a voice too loud for polite company.
'Oh, you support Cuventry (sic) do you?'
'Indeed' I replied ('and I would appreciate it if you could shut the fuck up for 15 seconds whilst I enjoy the moment' I thought)
'I have a friend who comes from Camden....' she droned.
Anyway, moments later, up pops 'Barnet 1 Swindon 0'
'Is Barnet a different team to Coventry?' she asked.
'??????!!!!!!'

A pub story

I was in my local as usual last Saturday. I was standing in the corner watching Gillette Soccer Saturday on the little tele. One of the regulars came up to me and asked if he could change to Channel 4 at 4pm as there was a horse race on that he wanted to watch. No problems. Anyway, 4pm came, he changed channels and stood next to me. I was on my own so thought I would spark up a conversation and asked him about the race. He had a bet on two horses, hence his interest. Numbers 4 and 11. The race started and he was hopping from foot to foot. Number 4 led for a while but soon tailed off. Number 11 was mid-pack but looking comfortable.
'I took a chance with number 4' my new friend said 'but I've got it on good authority that number 11 will cream it. He's a good finisher.'
As the race progressed (it was one of those long ones with hurdles and shit) number 4 went backwards, but number 11 got himself into a nice outside position a couple of lengths off the leader.
'Go on number 11!' he kept saying. I joined in.
As the horses pulled into the home straight, it was between number 11 and the leading horse. The others had been left behind. But then the leading horse just started pulling away and left our horse behind.
'He can still do it, he's got the legs'.
No chance I thought, he was at least 5 lengths behind with only a few furlongs to go. Then the unthinkable happened; the leading horse fell over the second to last hurdle, and unseated the rider. Number 11 had pretty much run out of steam and the chasing pack has just about caught up to him, but he was holding on. He made a great jump over the last hurdle and left the pack behind.
'Come on number 11. Come on number 11. COME ON NUMBER 11! YESSSSSS!!!!!'
The bugger only went and won. New friend was very happy, he hugged me, I smiled.
'What odds did you get on him' I asked with confidence, now I was a racing expert.
'I got 3-1, but his starting price was 2-1, so I scored big time' he replied, still smiling
'Excellent, how much did you put on him?'
'£1'

He didn't offer to buy me a pint with his winnings.

40000

I've got to another milestone on Last FM, notching up my 40000th listen. That's about 44 days of music, roughly 0.3% of my life. I need to get a more interesting job I think!

The landmark song was The Kills - Fried My Little Brains from the Keep On Your Mean Side album.

It's been a funny year so far for music, I've listened to a lot but there hasn't been much worth shouting about out there. Too much copycat stuff. Too many songs like that Mika fella, crash and burn stuff. I'm currently listening to the Kings Of Convenience, so that's a nice way to start the road to 50000.

Sorry Sean

Coventry get only their second win in 14 games beating Southampton 2-1 last night. Goals from Adebola and Kyle gave Mr Dowie a winning start. It sounds like we were run ragged in the second half, but I'll take anything at the moment. Hopefully onwards and upwards from here...

LMTO update

Seems I got a little over excited, Aus have only lost the last 5 games, but 6 out of the last 7. I'll take that! Also, Matthew Hayden has broken a toe and could be a doubt for the World Cup. Oh this is turning out to be a good day. Just need the City to hoof Sean's lot into touch tonight and it will indeed be a happy household in the land of Snow tonight.

As if things couldn't get better

Brilliant news that The Police have reformed and are going on tour. I've been a fan since they started and can't believe I have a chance of seeing them after all these years. Like that's going to happen though! My top 4 bands of all time, in no particular order are: The Clash, The Jam, The Police and Dead Kennedys.
So you can imagine my joy at the following news story. The joy was short lived however, when I read the 'without Paul Weller' bit. That's like The Clash without Jones/Strummer (RIP), The Police without Sting, Dead Kennedys without Jello B. It just doesn't work does it? I suspect a bit of opportunism from Messrs Buckler and Foxton.

Congestion Charge update

Well the journey home last night was pretty much the same as every Monday night, ie busier than an IKEA store on opening day. This morning I left home at about 6:20 because I couldn't sleep (something to do with a baby screaming) and the roads were really congested. It's quite unsual for it to be so busy at that time of the morning. Then I twigged; the C-Charge only kicks in at 7am so there was obviously a mad dash of cars trying to get into Chelsea before they get charged. I made it into the zone at 6:58 so I feel sorry for all the cars I passed on the way in. Early signs are that it ain't working Ken. Well, it isn't working for the official reason, but it is working because your income has had a nice hefty boost.

I did some reading about it yesterday, they reckon the new zone will reduce traffic by 10-15%. Excellent. But how are the 15% going to get into work? They are laying on more buses. Er, that doesn't make sense. You take cars off the roads and replace them with 18 metre long diesel guzzling buses? Good work. I suppose with less cars there will be more room for £5 a mile black cabs as well now. Shafted? Well and truly. I am just waiting for the announcement that Motorcycles will be charged. It's coming, I tell thee.

In summary, the C-Charge is not about reducing pollution, making the streets safer for pedestrians, it's just another way of extorting money from people that are already taxed to an unacceptable level.

LMTO

(Laughing my tits off) Australia have only gone and done it again! They got 346/5 off their 50 overs and were cruising with NZ on 41/4. But they managed to balls it up again and NZ won in the final over by a single wicket with a 6 and 4. That's 6 in a row now. It is indeed the beautiful game. Or was that football? No matter, I'm chuckling.

A realisation

Middle age is creeping up on me. I'm moaning more than ever and my eyebrows are growing faster than the hair on my head.

Congestion

The Congestion Charge ®™ kicks into effect in Chelsea and Kensington today. I travel through these areas on my commute, so it will be very interesting to see if it actually makes any difference to the traffic. I never thought this area was particularly congested so I'm convinced it's just a(nother) money making racket for Mr Livingstone. Most cars that travel through these areas are basically on their way into central London anyway. One day soon, I'm sure that Lands End will be in the C-Charge zone. Which leads me to...

Labour's plans of taxing each car every time they drive has met with a lot of opposition. In their wisdom, the government have set up an online peition, and to date over a million people have signed it. The government response to this opposition is that Mr Blair, our president, will send an email to all those signing the petition to tell them why charging you every time you go to pick the kids up from school is a good idea. In other words, the government are going to go ahead with this scheme no matter what we think. But then they invaded Iraq when no-one in the country wanted them to. It's more proof that Labour just do what the hell they want to. It's another good indication that they know they are going to be ousted at the next election as governments on their way out always start unpopular acts like this just to annoy the new ruling party. You heard it here first.

Anyway, two further examples of how bad things are getting in the UK at the moment. I half expect to be taxed for living soon.

Another bad weekend for the City

We went down 3-0 at Leicester. In the evening the wife and I decided to go to the local for a few jars. Who should show up but a mate of mine who is a Leicester fan. That was fun. Then at 2am on Sunday morning, Junior was struggling to breathe so I had to rush him to the hospital. It turned out to be a blocked nose, apparently babies don't know that they can breathe through their mouths as well. A couple of bright points though;
- I was offered a ticket to the match but it fell through on Saturday morning,
- the Coventry board have seen some sense and fired Adrian Heath. Iain Dowie is going to be named as our new boss this morning,
- Australia lost to New Zealand again, I make that five losses on the bounce for them. Joy.

A Weekend In the City...

Bloc Party's new album, and it is truly appalling. Avoid.

Aussies lose 4th game in a row

I normally couldn't give a rat fink about teams I don't support, but in this case... NZ have just beaten Australia by 10 wickets in a ODI, bowling them out for 148. It's the first time that Australia have lost by 10 wickets, so pretty blooming impressive. Can't wait for the World Cup to see if the decline of Australian cricket continues.

Spam update

I've just received another interesting one:
Lesbians kissing in cage

Spam

A selection of emails I received this morning:
- We are ready to give you a loan
- Teen babes get into a wild orgy
- Teen applies cream facial
- Snowy, elite girl escorts for you
- SEXUALLY EXPLICIT : pr1vate party
- Mature couples sex
- from understanding, seeketh to pass, ...

Everything you'll ever need in one inbox. What sites have I been visiting to get these?!

Sleepus interuptus part 2

I cannot praise Boots Wax Earplugs enough. A snip at £2.09. I didn't even hear the fight in the street outside the bedroom window last night. Jnr Snowy; in future if you need to wake me, you will have to tap me on the shoulder.

Sleepus interuptus

I've been sleeping in the spare room for the last month because I can't handle all the screaming and crying, and the baby isn't exactly quiet either. Anyway, I've got quite used to it and have been getting a decent night's sleep for the most. My sister-in-law arrived for two weeks yesterday and has now taken over the room, meaning I have to go back to bedroom #1. I suggested that me and the s-i-l share the spare room, but you can imagine the response. Anyway, last night was my first night back in my room. I think I have sired a chicken, the little bugger just doesn't shut up, not for a minute. There's scratching, cooing, moaning, crying, yelling, snoring, sneezing, grunting and lots of other noises that they haven't named yet. At about 1am this morning, having had about 31 minutes sleep, I gave up and went to sleep on the couch. At about 1:10am there were three cats purring and meowing around me to be fed. Next I had 3 well fed cats slamming through the cat flap at 30 second intervals for the rest of the night. Today I feel like an extra in a George A Romero film. This weekend I am going to decorate the baby's room as I've been promising for the last 6 months.

A good weekend

Started off with England beating Italy in the 6 nations. Ok, it wasn't the best of performances but this team has been through so much recently, I will take any win. Coventry managed a 2-2 draw with Cardiff after that. Not a bad result considering how awful we have been and how well Cardiff are doing. But the cherry was England beating Australia (again) in the second of three games in the final of the Commonwealth Cup or whatever is called. That's 4 wins on the bounce, 3 of them over Australia. We didn't even need to play the last match of the tour. Wonderful. Of course it's bound to all come crashing down around me soon, but you have to take all the good news you can when you are a Coventry/England fan. Just to sour everything, it looks like Ian Dowie is about to be hired as Coventry's new manager. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Good gracious, spiffing

England managed to beat Australia again in the first game of the best of 3 final. We bowled them out for 252. Collingwood with 119 not out finished off the win in the last over. Blimey, three wins on the bounce, it's like the Ashes was just a terrible dream. England v Italy and Coventry v Cardiff tomorrow, could be a memorable weekend. It probably won't be, but here's to dreaming.

Letter bomb update

Finally it makes the news ahead of Jade being a racist and David Beckham moving to the US. Now there have been seven over the last few days. Does it rally take seven before it actualy make it in the news?

'Worrying'

More letter bombs. Home Secretary John Reid described the incidents as "worrying".

You don't say.

Breakfast

It's 8:30am. I've just finished my second cup of coffee of the morning. I normally just have the one, but it was cold enough to freeze the witches' tits out there this morning so I needed another to defrost. Anyway, this contractor has just arrived at work, and as soon as she sat down cracked open a can of Coke. I mean, I would rather have tequila in the morning that Coke. And I thought I made an unhealthy start to the day. She must be American.

Not newsworthy?

I read on the BBC website yesterday that a letter bomb exploded in an office a few metres from Scotland Yard. I kept going back to the site as I was expecting there to be a lot of space dedicated to this story. But that was it, one small story, not even front page stuff. And today? Nothing. Scarey.

Blinking flip

My prediction of an early flight home for our cricketers hasn't come true. We managed to beat NZ in the last group match by 14 runs. So, we have a best of 3 match series v Aus starting Friday. Who would have thought a couple of weeks ago... England rugby and cricket winning within days of each other? That's about as rare as an aligment of the planets (including Pluto). Good old Coventry lost though, just to keep the delicate balance of sporting elation under dangerous optimistic level.

(Another) random thought

If you have a problem with HR at work, who do you complain to?

Time travel

My boss has just returned from a trip to the States to meet our contemporaries. I asked how he got on and he said 'Very well, I've seen the future and it looks very similar to what we were doing last year'. The man is a poet.

Broken mirror

Spotted this snappy dresser* ** on the tube last week. I can only think that he either got dressed in the dark or is the lead singer in a Jamiroquai tribute band.

*You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to take a picture without him seeing
**Due to my newfound fame, I blanked the face out in case the bastard sees this and sues me

A win

After 72 days on tour, England finally don't lose to Australia.

Fame at last?

My mum sent me this link with the question 'Is this you?' Blimey, it is! What's a reputable site doing linking to my blog? I can't believe anyone actually reads this shit. I'm unsure whether I should be flattered or freaked out.

A few thoughts

I was listening to the weather report this morning on the radio. They said there is a 20% probability of rain in London, and a 80% possibility of rain in the west. Surely if something is probable, it is more than likely to happen, and if it's possible, it might happen. Thus probable > possible, therefore it should be 20% possibility, 80% probability. QED. However, if something is improbable, it is unlikely to happen, whereas if it is impossible, it definitely won't happen. Maybe the weather report was correct after all. My brain is bleeding.

Ponchos need to be banned. Unless you are a Mexican having a snooze under a huge sombrero, a soldier on guard duty in the rain or Clint Eastwood. Wearing one over a business suit should be an arrestable offense.

If you would like to know what it was like for Dr Dave Bowman to go through that lightshow thing at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey, ride a motorcycle, visor down, in the rain, at night and wait for the cars in front of you to brake.