Top 10 tips for Christmas

- Unpicking the stitching of the flaps on your jacket waist reveals two rather convenient and deep pouches. This is, apparently, common knowledge to all but has been kept secret from me until now.
- Never buy your mother an iPod for Xmas - you'll be answering questions about it for the next decade.
- Avoid big cars at Xmas time, they are normally driven by women driving their drunk husband/boyfriend/boss, who have little experience of maneuvering said vehicle.
- Don't drop your iPhone in a toilet, it tends to get all broken like.
- When asked what you would like for Xmas, don't answer 'Don't worry about me, I have everything I need'. You will be disappointed (unless you like moccasins, rucksacks or calendars).
- Avoid family. In-laws specifically.
- Heavily sedate children under 5.
- Never tell the regulars in your local that you will see them for a quick pint on Xmas day - you won't be allowed to.
- If you want Yorkshire puddings with your meal, don't try and make them yourself.
- Don't offer to work through Xmas, thinking that the office will be really quiet, you can do your own thing, get in at 11 and leave at 2. You will have a queue of Project Managers at your desk and be dumped with work for clients that you never knew existed.