Picking on me

I've just been talking to a contractor at work. Whilst I was answering the question he posed, he began picking his nose. I paused briefly, then he started delving and as I became speechless, he instigated an excavation. He finished, then carried on the conversation as if nothing was awry. I'm not sure if he found what he was looking for, or what he did with it if he did, I just hot tailed and fled. I'm going to avoid that dirty beggar in future. I get enough of that kind of stuff at home.

Visor advice

A couple of tips regarding motorcycle safety helmet visors:
- Cleaning bugs off your visor with a pot scourer is stupid.
- Purchasing a replacement visor which is tinted in the middle of winter is even stupider.

Stop thief

I notice that there are a lot of signs going up around London 'Beware, thieves operate in this area'. Surely the council could have saved a lot of money by just telling the police?

I married a hamster

Our car went to the doctors for repairs a couple of weeks ago. The garage came to pick it up on the Friday morning and left us with a courtesy car. The following week I got a call from them saying I could come and collect my car. I arranged to do it on the Saturday morning. On the Friday night, my wife asked me to make sure I got all the stuff out of the courtesy car before I took it back. We'd only had it a week so naturally I assumed she just meant her make up back and a spare nappy or something. I swear, I filled a black bin bag with all the shit. She had the car for a week, and there was more stuff in it than in most small retail outlets. She had even bought a Winnie-the-Pooh sun blind because 'the courtesy car windows are smaller than on our car'.

Snotty bitch

I was in John Lewis earlier today trying to find where my wife was. She said she was just nipping to Woollies and wouldn't be five minutes. So 45 minutes later I ended up in John Lewis looking for her. I was walking past the perfume counters and some over-made up tart approached me and said 'Are you looking to spoil your wife for Xmas, we have some lovely perfumes that I'm sure you'll love', then winked at me. I replied 'You're picking on the wrong fella me dear, I can't tell a good perfume from a puddle of cat piss'. Before flicking her hair, pushing her snout skywards and turning her back on me, she said in a snidey voice 'Your wife is so lucky to have you as a husband'. One does try one's best.

You know what annoys me?

Families that go grocery shopping together. I'm not talking about Mr and Mrs Christian with young Tarquin and Delilah, I mean extended families of about 8 or more people. It's usually two couples, or one with an elderly couple in tow and a few uncle/aunt types. The women natter, the kids run riot, and the men normally walk slowly behind the carnage, with a content look on their chops, ocassionally picking up a jar of something or other and saying 'You don't get this in --insert wherever they have travelled down from for the weekend--' or 'I haven't seen this since I was in the army'. Normal people send the women out shopping and take their Dad/friend/brother for a pint, it's the rules.

You see some odd things in London

I've just seen a man taking Polaroids of scooter headlamps. I repeat, Polaroids. Scooter headlamps. Polaroids? I thought they didn't exist anymore. Scooter lamps?? WTF?

Worst sporting week(end) of my life (revisited)

Friday 14th of November: England lose to India by the biggest ever one day margin.
Saturday 15th of November (am): England lose Rugby League World Cup semi final to New Zealand.
Saturday 15th of November (pm): England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against Australia at Twickenham.
Saturday 15th of November (pm): Coventry concede an 87th minute goal to lose 1-0 at home to Plymouth.
Monday 17th of November: England lose another one dayer to India.

4 days, played 5, lost 5. Things can only get better (there's no League next weekend!)

This week I have been irritated by

- people who leave their mobile phones on the factory default ring tone
- people who leave their desktop background on the factory default image
- people who have sushi for lunch and eat it with chopsticks
- drivers at the front of the queue at traffic lights who wait until the light is green before engaging a gear.

The list is growing. Over and out.