Lost in translation

I was watching some European club rugby a few days ago. Can't remember the teams but it was an Irish v French game. At one point, the ref, who was from England, gave a penalty and felt the misdemeanour sufficient to give the transgressor a jolly good talking to. He called the captain and the player, who happended to be an Afrikanner, over and started telling the captain, in French, what the South African had done wrong. The captain then translated what the ref said to his team mate in English.

Troubled sleep

My wife has bought this fancy gadget that makes a variety of noises designed to make the baby go to, and more importantly, stay, asleep. It has an option of birds twittering, rain falling, wind rustling leaves and so on. The one she favours is supposed to be waves crashing on a beach. However, to me it sounds like a rottweiller sleeping, albeit it with one eye open. So everytime I go past my son's room at night, I hear this monster heavy breathing in there. To be fair though, it does make him sleep. But I'm pretty sure it's out of fear more than anything.

Tendulkar fireworks

I'm at home looking after my ailing offspring, and sitting here watching the India v Australia test match. Sachin Tendulkar has just scored a couple of runs that has made him the highest test run scorer ever. The crowd went wild, fireworks were let off. I feel quite honoured to have witnessed such a momentous occasion. Records are broken all the time, but this one has to be one of the hardest to achieve. I was at Edgbaston the day before Brian Lara scored his world record 501 not out against Durham (he scored 19 the day before), so I'm glad I've actually see this record live. And all I can think is 'fireworks during the day?'

The joy of kids

This morning I was looking after junior whilst the missus had a shower. He was in a buoyant mood and kept jumping on me and being all laddy. It was only at lunchtime when I went to the toilet at work that I saw I had, on my white t-shirt, a 4x1 cm lime-green snot trail smack bang in the middle of my chest.

I'm worried about my wife

She called me 'dude' last night, and later said that the childminder was 'stoked' with her birthday present. Do you think I should alert the authorities?

She hasn't been to Waterloo

Overheard in London-
Man: 'You haven't been to Waterloo?'
Woman: 'I don't think so'
Same man: 'You haven't been to Waterloo?'
Same woman: 'No'
Still the same man: 'You haven't been to Waterloo?'
Still the same woman: 'Defintely not'