Robinson goes

At lunchtime on Wednesday, Andy Robinson finally resigned as England coach. I doubt if this will mean we will retain the World Cup, but at least we can try and get someone in who can move us in the right direction (ie forwards).

Credit scoring

This really pisses me off. I recently applied for credit and was refused. When I inquired why I was denied credit, the company told me that they couldn't say, it's a decision made by the credit agency that gives them a credit score - they base their decision on this. If I want to query it, I have to get in touch with them. So I did but they couldn't give me specifics. They told me that it is my right to apply for a credit report from them that would give me more information. It cost me £2. I was a bit concerned as to why I was refused as, although I have had a chequered past, I've managed to get on top of my finances and always pay my bills on time. I can't remember the last time I didn't, years ago.

Anyway, I receive my Equifax report. It's quite interesting, printed out in real old system font like a prop from War Games or something. On it is pretty much everything I have done over the last 5 or 6 years. Looking at the reference key, all of my bills or credit agreements were either 'S' (Settled or Satisfied Account) or 'O' (Payment received on time). Surely this means I am a decent enough chap to lend money to? But on the documents I received, there is no mention of a 'credit score'. Why I was refused credit is still unclear.

I did a little reading up on this and there were a couple of things that really make me nervous:
- Firstly, because I have a joint mortgage with my wife, she is now what they call an 'association' meaning that if she screws up her credit, mine gets screwed (and vice versa). This association will continue to be binding unless we divorce AND sever all financial links AND are not living in the same property.
- If previous tennants/occupiers of your house have had bad credit, it can count against you. In fact, if you find details of their bad credit appear on your credit report, it's up to you to get it removed and will count against you until it's done.
- If the vicinity you live in has an high record of bad debt, it will count against you.
- If you make a mistake on your application for credit (for instance if you say you have a loan for £5000 but the outstanding balance is £5500) it will count against you. In fact any oversight or error made in your application will count against you.
- If you take a loan out, the outstanding balance of your loan is actually calculated as the loan plus the interest. So if you have a loan of £1000 at 10% pa on 12 monthly payments, your credit file will show a balance of £1100.
- If you default on a payment, it doesn't matter if it's £1 or £1000, it's counted as the same
- A defaulted payment last month will be considered worse than being declared bankrupt a year ago
- And what I found the worst, every time you apply for credit, it is recorded on your credit report and counts against you if you are declined.

Now after considering all of that, I'm terrified to actually apply any more! Bearing in mind that all of the above is not exactly explained to you when you apply for credit. I rang back Equifax and asked how I can either improve or repair my credit score and they said that I just have to keep paying bills before the due date and 'over time' it will improve. In other words you actually have no idea when you can apply for credit, it's basically a guess. And if you apply too soon, you get declined and your score goes tits up again.

I was in John Lewis dept store last weekend and noticed a sign for their credit card, 29.9% APR they are charging. To charge that is scandalous enough, but to think that you could be damaging your credit score by even applying for this makes my blood boil. As the old adage says, you can only get credit when you can prove you don't need it.

I pray for the day that Pixies 'Where is my mind' starts blaring out and buildings start dropping.*

* If this is a little subtle, watch Fight Club

I've been brainwashed

I caught myself asking someone earlier if they had started their Xmas shopping yet. I wonder if all the snowflake and tinsel adverts on tele have planted a 'you will enjoy Christmas and spends loads of money you don't have' seed in my head.

For the love of God, I hope I never ask someone that question ever again.

The death of English rugby

It's Tuesday and Andy Robinson still hasn't resigned. Does he want me to do it for him? Has the man no shame? I believe that today he is going to be given a choice; resign or be sacked. There is a 3 day World Cup meeting starting today and he hasn't been asked to attend. I think it is time to stop dropping hints and just put out a press release.

Today's pet hates

- People who use umbrellas when it is spitting
- Men who use women's umbrellas
- People who use golf umbrellas that are the size of teepees
- People who, when closing an umbrella, open and close it really quickly to shake off all the drops
- People who leave umbrellas next to doors creating a puddle for me to slip on
- Umbrellas in general
- Smart cars

Mixed bag

A couple of bad 'uns and one good 'un this weekend. Of course England lost the first game in the Ashes v Australia, but that result was never in doubt, especially as the way we started. Aus scored 804 runs losing 10 wickets in the match, we scored 527 losing 20 wickets. Doesn't take a genius to work out that there is a bit of a gulf there.

The rugby was a joke (again). We managed to get 14-3 up against the Springboks and were looking pretty comfortable. Then we fell apart and lost 14-25 and failed to score for the last 50 minutes of the match . The decision making in the second half was appalling. Unfortunately Andy Robinson still hasn't resigned. He'll get the sack early this week I would imagine, it's just a pity that he's taken us backwards for 3 years and nothing has been done about it. There is talk that the RFU are going to offer Martin Johnson the position, but unlikely that he will take it. Nick Mallett's name's been banded around as well. Sweet Jesus.

One break in the clouds was Coventry's 1-0 drubbing of QPR. The match reports are a little bit thin of any real sport reporting mind. Coventry's team bus never showed up at the hotel so the poor cherubs had to take the Underground to Loftus Road. I've done that journey myself and I hope they had better luck of finding the ground than I did. SO lots of jokes about it in the press, witty chirps from Adams etc. Anyway, sounded like a decent game and Adebola's goal was a gem. 2 wins in a row for the City and starting to creep back up the table. Of course it will all go tits up tomorrow night against Preston.

Australia v England, 1st test, days 3, 4 and 5

As expected Australia won, bowling us out for 370 in the second innings and winning by 277 runs. Of course I was hoping for rain and an England fightback, which never happened, but more so because Ponting didn't enforce the follow on and deserved to get unstuck. God knows why he batted again, I can only imagine it was to try and hammer another nail in the coffin and try and embarrass us. Well it worked, but it could well have gone wrong for him. Damn. It's going to be a tough old series and goes without saying that we could do with improving a bit.

Kramer vs Kramer

Holy shit, have you seen this*? There's some things in life that you just don't do, and one of them is calling a black person the 'n word'. The worst thing about it is not that he repeatedly called a man this, but the hate and rage in which he did. I strongly suspect that this guy's career is over, unless he wants to be the main act at a Klan rally.

*Certainly not for the faint hearted or easily offended

A medical matter

I'm no doctor, but I would advise not eating 2 day old Kentucky Fried Chicken if you wish to avoid a rapid reduction to your toilet paper supply.

Australia v England, 1st test, day 2

Australia continued to pile on the runs finally declaring on 602/9. The only bright spot was getting Ponting out 4 short of his double century. As if that wasn't bad enough, we were reduced to 53/3 at the close. Pietersen and Bell are still at the crease, and by God, we need a huge stand from them now to have any chance in this one. I managed to watch 2 hours of the game this morning and was horrified at the bowling. In my day...

Cunning stunt

David Blaine, what a character hey? I've just heard that he is trying another death defying stunt. His previous stunts have all been rather impressive (in a kind of 'I couldn't do that' sort of way). Forgive me if I've got any of this wrong, research is not my strong point, but to summarise, he:

- got buried alive for a few days in a coffin;
- spent a week or so standing on a pole;
- spent a few days locked in a block of ice;
- spent a few weeks in a specimen jar, suspended above the Thames, drinking only water, writing a diary, getting pelted with eggs, waving;
- spent a week or so submerged in a goldfish bowl, got wrinkly fingers and then failed in a world attempt to hold his breath.

His latest effort sees him strapped inside a gyroscope type thing for three days, then trying to escape from shackles. Doesn't sound all that daring does it? The hamster wheel will apparently spin his body UP TO 8 TIMES PER MINUTE!!! Gee. It's hardly quick enough to create it's own gravitational field. After a while, some (obviously very dextorous) deck hand will shackle him giving him 16 hours to escape. 16 hours? Houdini eat your heart out. Assuming he doesn't die of boredom during the escape, he is then going to take 100 underpriveleged children chosen by the Salvation Army (read, good looking, healthy children that don't have a record of shoplisting or drug abuse) on a shopping spree.

Bore off Blaine, and only come back when you plan to spend a week submerged in a tank full of great whites with fish paste rubbed on your body.

Australia v England, 1st test, day 1

Australia finish the day on 346/3 with Ponting on 137 not out. I wouldn't say the English bowling was bad, but the word 'spraypaint' springs to mind. I think you best get your whites cleaned Sean, looks like we are going to need your bowling after all.

Rainy Day Women #12 & 35

I've always wondered about the title of this song. The lyrics have never really bothered me as I assume it's simply a double meaning: being stoned (shit that hurt) and being stoned (dude I'm hungry). But the title has always got me. I did some digging around and came across this interview with Mr Zimmerman, which I think explains it thoroughly:
"Well, you know my songs are all mathematical songs. Now, you know what that means so I’m not gonna have to go into that specifically here. It happens to be a protest song. ...and it borders on the mathematical, you know, idea of things, and this one specifically happens to be ... ‘Rainy Day Women #12 & 35’ happens to deal with a minority of, you know, cripples and Orientals and, uh, you know, and the world in which they live,.... It’s another sort of a North Mexican kind of a thing, uh, very protesty. Very, very protesty. And, uh, one
of the protestiest of all things I ever protested against in my protest years..."

Er, yeah, clear as a pint of Guinness Bob.

Then I found this, which makes a little more sense, but isn't exactly earth shattering:
"...When he was recording the song, a mother and daughter walked into the studio drenched due to the rainy day outside. Mother was 35, daughter 12..."

Scratching about further:
"...It remains only to say that in Dylan’s case the matter of references and possible allusions is slightly complicated by that aspect of him that plays the Riddler or the Jokerman. ‘Rainy Day Women #12 & 35’, anyone? Well, 1, 2, 3, 5 are the first four prime numbers, and the next in the sequence is 7, and this is the first track on Dylan’s seventh album. I’ve also speculated that they’re the numbers of hexagrams in the I Ching" ...blah blah blah, get a life you arse

My favourite explanation, and one I shall accept as true is:
"...If you multiply 12 by 35, you get 420, a number commonly associated with smoking marijuana. 420 came about because 6 high school students in California could only smoke at 4:20 in the afternoon. This time was after school and before their parents came home, so it was a good time for them to get high. .."

No mention of rain soaked ladies, but wgaf.

Olympics - oooo, that'll cost you

It's been announced that the cost of London hosting the Olympics has risen to £3.3 billion. Considering the fiasco that is Wembley, I suspect that this figure will increase a few more times before the first shotput is thrown. Just to put that into perspective, the 2005/2006 Government deficit was £36 billion. So the Olympics, so far, will cost the country around 9% of the deficit. They are going to have to sell a lot of hot dogs and 'Mind The Gap' t-shirts to make this thing worthwhile aren't they?

Noises that grate

I'm actually quite a nice chap, I don't dislike many people. But... I met a really nice fella a little while ago and we struck up a lukewarm acquaintance. He has a wife that really doesn't like me and the feeling is reciprocated. She never liked me from the day she met me, and, again, I didn't either. One thing that really grates me is her voice. She always sounds like she is moaning, even when she isn't. Her monotone really cuts through me and gets my hackles up. It doesn't just annoy me after a while, it gets to me the minute the horse faced bint opens her mouth. You know that song by Bill Wither's 'Lovely Day'? That bit in the chorus where he just sings 'A lovely daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy' for what seems like a decade. Her voice is worse than that.

Anyway, I was on my way home last night and the traffic was horrendous. I got to the bit before the flyover, about a mile of road where you can't filter and just have to sit in a queue. I had a scooter behind me the whole way and it occurred to me that the noise from a scooter engine sounds exactly like this women's voice. Now I have another reason to hate the bloody things. Nerrrrrr, nerrrrrrrrr, nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Twats, the lot of them.

Getting cold, ignition problems

By 'eck it was cold this morning. I've had trouble in the past where my ignition freezes and I can't get the key in. More worryingly, I've had my ignition freeze once my keys are already in and haven't been able to take them out. That particular episode resulted in a lot of bike kicking. Anyway, 'twas indeed a perishing one last night. I couldn't turn the ignition this morning so thought that the thing had frozen (although it wasn't that cold). I got my can of WD40 and gave it a quick spray, and the key another twist. Still no joy. Hmm. So I got a cup of warm water from the kitchen and poured it all over. Twist again, but no movement. After fiddling around with it for a while it finally turned. Excellent. So I pull my bike around the front, locked and kitted up and went to start my bike again. Same problem. Some jiggling later, it turns. I needed some petrol so did that, then had the same problem getting the key turned. On arrival in London, I had another fiddle with the key trying to figure out what the problem is. It seems that I can't turn it when using my right hand, but it turns fine, every time, with my left hand. Now that is just goddamn freaky.

What a difference a week makes

Great Britain lost in the rugby league to Australia so they don't make the final. This one was to be expected though, Australia haven't lost 2 in a row for decades. It was nice to come away from the tournament with an Aussie scalp though, and at times played well above our station.

The rugby union was a little better with England beating Springboks 23-21. It was a dreadful game and although we won, couldn't really take too much from the game (except Charlie Hogdson got injured - he has had a dire autumn). I strongly suspect that the Springboks will hammer us next Saturday.

And finally Coventry managed to win for the first time in 4 games, beating Sheffield Wednesday 3-1. It sounds better than it was, as they had 2 players sent off in the first half and we played the last hour of the game against 9 men. Still, you can only beat what's put in front of you and another 3 points closer to safety.

So not a huge amount to get excited about although just shows you things can swing the other way to. But the Ashes tests start on Wednesday night, then the pain really begins.

Dead Kennedys

I'm having a bit of a DK revival in my cans today, I forgot how good they were. They remind me of when I used to be in a band. You might have seen us, we played all the back rooms of pubs across Coventry! We were pretty lousy and didn't have any original material, none worth playing in public anyway, so were always on the lookout for good songs to cover. I was well into Dead Kennedys and wanted to cover Police Truck. The drummer got into a strop and refused to play it because 'there is swearing in it and my girlfriend might get offended'. Rock'n'Roll!

How terribly British

It is 12:28. I have been in the office since 7:30. I have only just realised that I have my shirt on inside out. Not one person has mentioned it to me, even though I have spoken to most of the office and have just come out of a meeting with half a dozen people. Sometimes the British are too polite for their own good.

The perfect steak

Being a fat bloke, I love a good steak. Trouble is in the UK, they are very hard to find. I hear about all the things you should look for to find the perfect meat. Yellow marbling, must be aged at least 4 weeks etc. I dare you to try and find one of these at Tescos. Occasionally when I feel flush I might pop to the butcher's and find one of these chunks, but even if I buy one which matches the criteria of a good steak, I'll be buggered if it tastes any different to anything I buy at the supermarket.

Flicking through the channels last night, desperately trying not to land on Eastenders in case the wife saw, I came across a program which announced it would teach you how to cook 'the perfect steak'. Now that got my attention, just what I need. It was by a guy called Heston Blumenthal, who is apparently a good cook and a 'molecular gastronomist', whatever the hell that is. He owns a restaurant called the Fat Duck which is the second best restaurant in the world. If you don't believe me, read this... The Guardian never lies.

Anyway, Heston set about telling us how to make the perfect steak. First you have to buy a really good meat, something about being from a cow reared on love & affection and fed on all good things. So once you have parted with your many pounds for said steak, stick that to one side for a second because you need to compliment it with a good sauce. He recommends home made mushroom ketchup which involves:
- soaking mushrooms in red wine/red wine vinegar
- mixing red wine vinegar and castor sugar and bringing to the boil
- sticking a kilo of mushrooms in a muslin bag in the fridge, and catching all the moisture that falls out of it over a period of a few hours, then sticking this juice in with the mixture above
- mixing the whole lot together, bringing to the boil and adding some corn flour.

Next, the steak bit. Now it's important not only to get one like I described above, but also to get one on the bone, that's about 6 inches thick. Next get a blow torch and sear the outside of it. But be quick about it as you don't want to cook the meat, just burn the outside. Now, put the oven on 50 °C, but don't trust the oven, you need to have an oven thermometer. Stick lump of meat in the oven and leave it there for 24 hours. Yes, 24 hours as in 1 earth revolution. When you're done with that, get a heavy, solid cast iron pan and heat it on the hob on it's highest heat for at least 20 minutes, add oil and then slap down an inch thick cut of your meat. And there you have your perfect steak. Easy huh?

What a pile of shit.

A Porky Prime Cut

I'm not sure what made me think of this, but I have always been intrigued by that message you sometimes get etched on the run-out groove on vinyl records, 'A Porky Prime Cut'. After some digging around I found out that it's a signature of a guy called George Peckham, who is a cutting engineer (ie one that creates master dics that vinyl is cast off). He must be the top banana in his field as I would have a guess that at least half the vinyl I ever owned was cut by him.

Apparently he got the nickname Porky (I quote) 'cos of all the old slagbags I used to chase and the ale I put away'. He used to be in the 60's band The Fourmost who were managed by Brian Epstein. He left the group to help The Beatles transfer their studio sound onto vinyl and was then offered the position of chief Apple cutter. When a master is created, the cutter has to etch in a catalogue number on it as there is no other way to identify the disc when it goes on the press. Peckham started using 'Porky' to further identify the disc, and that's how it all came about.

I used to look at all my vinyl trying to find subliminal messages but can't remember many offhand. I do recall 'Nigel's Dream: Tranmere 6 Liverpool 0' on Half Man Half Biscuit's 'Trumpton Riot EP' though.

So there you have it pop pickers.

Bike show

I went to the bike show at the NEC in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago. Although I ride a bike almost every day, I wouldn't consider myself a 'biker'. I just went along for a day away from work, have a couple of pints, ogle at a few models in Lycra and maybe get a pair of gloves that would keep my hands from freezing in mid-winter.

But I found myself getting all carried away. I ended up sitting on nearly every bike in the hall (queuing up to do so at times), turning the throttle, clutching, pressing various brakes and saying things like 'No no, this one would kill your back' or smiling and saying 'It just feels right'. I even got my mate to take a few pictures of me. I knew I was being a wanker, I just couldn't stop myself.

It was only after doing this for a couple of hours that I started to feel like a bit of a prat. But I was in good company. Man there were some real nerds there. I'm talking guys walking about in full leathers, fellas decked out from head to toe in yellow Rossi memorabilia (caps, t-shirts, jackets, bandannas etc), clutching freebie posters. What is it about these events that make people act like this? Ok, it's a bike show, you are a Rossi fan. Excellent. Now if we were at a track, and said Italian midget was riding around in front of you I could understand you getting all Rossi'ed up, but at a bike show? Do guys wear Foster's t-shirts to beer festivals? Would one wear an IKEA cap to the Home Show? I hope to God they don't.

The worst sporting week of my life

Ok, that's a little extreme, but you try and be a Coventry/England/Great Britain fan. It all started so well:

Saturday 04/11/2006
Australia 12 Great Britain 23 (Rugby League Tri-Nations)
A tremendous performance by the Lions to beat Australia on their own soil for the first time in many many years, and to look very likely to progress to the final. It was a real battling display, they really had Australia rattled and the latter were lucky not have the same player sent off twice in the first quarter of the game. Things are certainly looking up for the league team.

Things started to go awry:

Sunday 05/11/2006
England 20 New Zealand 41 (Rugby Union)
I doubt if even the most optimistic of England fans would have expected anything from this game. As the pundits said, it's more about the performance than the result (read: we are going to get gubbed). Yes, we were slaughtered, but considering Hodgson missed kicks worth 10 points, and we had, what appeared to be, a perfectly legitimate try disallowed, the result could have been quite different. That apart, New Zealand we much better than us and were always going to be 20 or so points ahead. But I didn't think we played that badly, there were some bright spells and I thought we had improved from the previous 5 games (lost them all).

During the game I also had an epiphany. For 3 years I've been hanging onto the World Cup victory and truly believed we were better than we are. that things would suddenly click into place and we'd start beating teams like France by 40 points as we did in that golden period. I realised about 10 minutes into the game that this was false hope, and we actually are shit, so any improvement would be a real bonus. Because of this I actually enjoyed the match and thought there were some real highlights for us.

Then it went well and truly tits up:

Monday 06/11/2006
Stoke 1 Coventry 0 (Championship)
We've been live on Sky thrice this season so far, drawing one and winning two, so I was quite confident of another favourable result. Oh dear. A dismal performance, and we should have been 5 down by half time but for the ineptitude of Stoke's strikeforce. I was hoping for a half time rocket that would kick us into life, but it never happened and Stoke were all over us again. But the longer it went on, the goal they deserved looked less likely. That is until some clobber pokes a 45 yard cannonball into the back of the net. 1-0 Stoke. There was a real pea-souper coming down and I was hoping against hope that it would make conditions unplayable, but it never did. They had a player sent off for nothing in particular and then we decided to play some football. We got the ball in the net, but it was ruled out for offside. Terrible game, terrible performance, deserved to lose.

Friday 10/11/2006
Prime Minister's XI beat England by 166 runs (Ashes warm up)
Not much I can say about this one, other than pathetic. PM XI got 347 in their 50 overs at nearly 7 an over. They hit 30 off the penultimate over and finished the innings off with a 6. We responded with 181. Not a great start to our Ashes defence. We all know England have gone backwards since last summer, but this is not a good warm up to take on the Aussies.

Saturday 11/11/2006
New Zealand 34 Great Britain 4 (Rugby League Tri Nations)
After last week's performance against Australia, I really thought this one would be a stroll in the park. Even if NZ beat us, they still had to win by a difference of over 15 points to stop us getting into the final. So a final berth was inevitable right? Uhuh. A gutless display which saw us get humiliated. Now we have to beat Australia in Brisbane next weekend to make it into the final, which let's face it, ain't going to happen. To make matter's worse, Sean Long has left the squad and is on his way home. Reasons unknown.

England 18 Argentina 25 (Rugby Union)
That's 7 in a row now, first time this has happened since 1972 apparently. I don't think we have ever lost to Argentina either, certainly not at Twickenham. I have yet to see England play so poorly, Argentina didn't even look like scoring, except for their breakaway try and the glut of kickable penalties that we kept giving them. The worse thing about England at the moment is that people have stopped taking the piss out of us. I no longer receive anti-English jokes in my inbox. We are the joke now. I liken the current England team to that friend that we all have, the one that gets drunk all the time, at any occasion. The one that will get drunk at a christening, or pop round on Xmas day whilst your family are there and proceed to drink anything you have, be it Port, Sherry, ASDA pale ale. And then, without being offensive, just makes a complete tit of himself. You stand back and think 'I like you, but you are an embarrassment. I am embarrassed for you. I'm not sure I ever want to see you again in my life. Please, if you have one ounce of dignity left, just stand up and leave.' I am not sure if I want to watch England against South Africa now, they really have upset me this time!

And finally:

Coventry 1 Derby 2
Considering the last two home games against Derby have finished 6-2 and 6-1 in our favour, I had a bit of confidence that my beloved Sky Blues would pull me out of my sporting depression. How wrong I was.

What a shitty week.

Miserable Britain - a theory

I had the misfortune of catching the end of an Eastenders show the other night. It wasn't by choice I hasten to add, I was just bringing my dinner in and the missus was watching it. For the next ten minutes she filled me in on what was happening. Forgive me if I get any of the following wrong, but it's as I understood it:

Apparently there is this character, Billy, who is the centre of the latest story line. Now this guy is related to the tough family in the program, although he's a bit of a joke, not very tough, the one they never talk about etc. Some time ago he turned from a spiteful little man into one that people kind of liked. He met some girl who was in an abusive relationship. She ended up killing her husband, and Billy steamed in. They got married, but during the course of their relationship, she was raped by some family 'friend'. She decided to keep the child, which Billy could never accept as his own and after a while they split up. And got back together. And split up again. And got back together... Anyway, they split up in the end and life moved on. He had a couple of failed businesses. He then met some looker and got her pregnant, but they were pretty happy about it and decided to marry. But every time they tried to something went wrong on the wedding day. On their last attempt, the looker went into labour so they all rushed off to the hospital. Lo and behold they have a bouncing baby, who has Downs Syndrome. The looker has lost her marbles and wants to give the baby up for adoption.

It struck me (not literally) that maybe it's because of programs like this that Brits are generally miserable and depressed.