Talk to the hand

I was enjoying my normal Saturday afternoon pint last, er, Saturday afternoon. We were watching Gillette Soccer Special on Sky. On BBC, Wales were playing South Africa in a rugby international. All through the match I was getting texts from two friends about the match; one South African, one Welsh. These men live in different hemispheres and have never met each other. Both were moaning about the ref and giving me updates as they happened. Being the good friend I am, I responded to each of the texts. Not wishing to upset my friends, I do find it wonderful that you support your respected teams so avidly and thank you for sharing your afternoon's plight with me, but honestly, I really don't give a fuck about Wales vs South Africa. Why on earth would I be interested in a rugby match that didn't involve the team I support?

I get this a lot. On Mondays I get all the match reports for various colleague's football teams. Recently I was chatting to a colleague in the work's kitchen. Previous to this, our converesations have never gone past a brief nod and perhaps the odd 'alright?'. He opened up to me and told me he was about to resign and that his best friend's mother had just died. Dude, I really don't need or want to know all this. Some years ago I was in a nightclub and I bumped into an ex-girlfriend. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if I fancied going for a walk. 'Aye-up' I thought, 'We're under starter's orders'. She spent the next 2 hours telling me about all the troubles she was having with her current boyfriend.

People, people. In future, if I want to know, I'll ask, ok?