Unfoodlike foodstuffs

For three days in a row, Sainsbury's haven't had any tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches on the shelves. Gagging for a bit of tuna, I bought one of those gourmet type things (same as normal, just in a fancy wrapper). This one happened to be tuna and cucumber. It was revolting. I have a problem with cucumber. In my humble opinion, food should taste like, well, food. Cucumber tastes like water that has been left in the sun too long. But crunchy. Very disconcerting. Mozarella is also on my shitlist. Cheese should taste like it has been left to fester in a sock for a year, not like skimmed milk that has been left to go hard. Food with no taste is like a piece of silent music, or an odourless smell. My worst case scenario is cucumber and mozarella on rice crackers. Sort it out Sainsbury's or continue to feel my wrath.