Busted

I went to a mate's 40th birthday on Saturday night. It was in Salisbury, so I motored down with another mate (yes, I have 2) and checked into a hotel. The pub where the party was being held was about 10 miles from the hotel, so we sorted out a taxi to take us there. The party was supposed to start at 7pm, but we thought we'd get there earlier (5:30pm) and have a few warm up pints. The taxi dropped us off in the car park and sped off. I walked up to the entrance and pulled the door. It didn't budge. I pushed it with the same result. I peeked through the window and there were no lights on. Ah shit. I noticed on the way there, that there wasn't another pub for at least 2 miles on the route we came in. So we started walking in the other direction. It was a long country road and it looked like it there wasn't anything in that direction either. Ah double shit.

We resigned ourselves to the fact that it was going to be a long wait, so took up a seat at one of the benches in the beer garden. From there I could see the lights on the beer pumps on the bar counter. You can't imagine how frustrating that is when you are gagging. Anyway, having waited for about half an hour, the cup of tea I had consumed at the hotel decided it was time to be expelled. As there was no-one about, and considering there was a distinct lack of a public convenience, I wasn't shy about unzipping and depositing the tea against a willow tree in the car park.

I was halfway through my tinkle when suddenly the car park lit up like a football pitch. I spun round in surprise to find the landlady of the pub standing at the now opened entrance door, staring at me, and my friend pissing himself (not literally) on the bench. She was good about it and never mentioned it when I finally summoned the courage to enter the pub, but I bet she had a good chuckle everytime I went to the bar.