Metal of the hefty kind

There's absolutely no decent new music about at the moment. Fact. As a consequence, I've been going through my collection at work and giving everything a listen. So much of the stuff I have copied over, I've never listened to again, so I thought this would be an ideal opportunity to do so. I've managed to trim down my collection somewhat (why did I ever download 8 Primus albums I wonder?) and discovered some hidden gems in there as well. I've been doing this for about 3 or 4 months now, and have finally hit the 'V' folder. 'V' houses about 40 Various Artists albums I've got. Some good, some not so, some should be a crime to own.

Today I listened to 'The Best Heavy Metal Album Ever'. I feel violated. What a waste of two hours of my life that was (and considering what a lazy SOB I am, that's up against some pretty wasteful hours I've experienced in the past). I've never been a heavy metal fan and on this evidence, I can see why. It's all wailing voices, inappropriate guitar solos and lyrics that generally include some sort of animal (cats, pigs, snakes, hounds etc) and the word 'rock' a lot. There were some outstanding moments;
- Black Sabbath - Paranoid,
- Motorhead - Ace Of Spades,
- Motorhead and Girlschool - Please Don't Touch,
but apart from that I have spent the morning listening to the likes of Aerosmith, Megadeth, Wolfsbane, Michael Schencker Group, UFO, Queensryche, Niceklback (heavy metal??), Sammy Hagar and Van Halen.

I have decided that Heavy Metal has even less value to humanity than day time TV and ginger beer.

Sport update

Well the World Cup is finally over, and ended in a bit of a farce. Not that I saw the end, I had long given up by then. In fact I had given up around the end of March. For the record, Australia won again. This has to go down as the worst World Cup ever. The death of Bob Woolmer, hardly any close games, England being shit (no surprise there). Thank God that's over. Warwickshire have started the season off pretty well though.

Coventry's march continues, ie, haven't won in 6 games, 1 point out of the last 18. The Dowie honeymoon is over it seems. More bad news, Man Ure managed to overturn a 2 goal deficit against Everton to win 4-2, and Chelsea could only draw with Bolton. So looks like the title will go to the scumbags this year. Talking of scumbags, there was some good news; Leeds got relegated to League One. Elland Road has to be the biggest shit pit I have ever visited, so glad to see the back of that. I went there once, and some Cov fan had draped his personalised Union Jack over one of the terrace barriers. A steward told him to take it down because it was 'advertising'. Good riddance. Two of my closest friends are happy this season, as they support Barnsley and Scunthorpe. Well done lads.

Over and out.

5 more minutes

I woke up at 5:52 this morning, 8 minutes before my alarm goes off. I was so tired I rolled over and went back to sleep, thinking that I'll have a lie in today and just have to cope with the later traffic.

Next thing I was wide awake, feeling good and ready to drag myself out of bed to the shower. I looked at the clock at it was 5:58. How the hell did 6 minutes make such a difference? Have I missed a day or something?

Inflation

Having nothing better to do this weekend, I decided to give my bike a clean. I can't remember the last time I cleaned it (must have been last summer) so it was covered in mud, brake carbon dust, oil and more worryingly, blood. I applied an all over spray of Muck-off™, got the powerhose out of the shed and gave it a good hose-down. It made little difference, it was going to require soapy water and much elbow grease to shift the bikey grease. I had spent about 45 minutes at it (resorting to wire wool) and had just about finished half of the front wheel. Next thing the neighbour's kid popped his head over the fence and started talking to me. He's a nice enough lad, about 14 or 15, never any trouble. He asked if he could clean my bike for me. Choices choices. Spend the rest of the afternoon scrubbing away, get bored and only do half a job, or get the sap next door to do it while I watch Sussex v Somerset on Skysports 2 and enjoy a few Carlsbergs (hey, they were on special alright?)

'Sure' I said, 'how much do you want to do it.'
'30 quid' he said.

You could knock me down with a feather. I offered him £15 (which I thought was at least £7.50 to much) and he said, I quote, 'Fuck that, I wouldn't get out of bed for £15' and promptly dissapeared back inside.

There are a number of morals to this story:
Never buy a bike with alloy wheels.
Clean my bike more often, it saves much pain later on. And I won't need wire wool to clean off the insects fossilised in the headlights.
No matter how much I think I am 'with the kids', I am older than I think and getting left behind.

£30? The cheeky fecker.

Flashbacks

I was just re-reading the entry below (I do this, not out of vanity, but because I am pretty anal about speling misteaks) and I've realised that I am getting quite a few flashbacks these days. I'm no acid casualty, I wonder why this is happening. Perhaps it's because I now how a medium (you are reading it) in which to scribble notes down as I think of them. Or perhaps I am just a sad old person yearning for days gone. But they are generally bad things that I remember. Sigmund Freud would have a field day.

Oh me lost youth

I was a bit bored at work yesterday, what a surprise. (I'm banking on the fact that no-one knows who I am and if they do, they don't pay my wages). I ended up downloading a MAME emulator and started to play some of the old games that I spent all my pocket money on as a youngster. Phoenix, Donkey Kong, Gyruss, Galaga, Moon Patrol, Scrambler (not Pac Man, I always hated Pac Man). I was in seventh heaven. I was amazed after all these years that I still knew what to do on the Bonus stages, how to dock space ships, sticking Mario's head in the floor above a ladder so the barrels didn't come down that ladder etc. There were a fair few games that I had never played before, and most of them were shit so I am glad I didn't waste my 20 cents on them.

Then I saw it, Moon Cresta! I haven't played Moon Cresta for what must be 25 years, it was like having a long lost brother showing up at my front door. As with t'others mentioned above, my brain clicked my body into wide-eyed, open mouthed, head tilting, left hand smacking the fire button ecstasy. I effortlessly got past first few stages, not even getting close to being twatted by one of those snowflake type things, even when they did a sneaky and came back up from the bottom of the screen. Then came the docking business, and I eased the top single shooter onto the middle fella and I was rocking. I hope no-one came up behind me as I was playing as I probably wouldn't have noticed them.

After a few minutes of playing, I suddenly had a cold shiver. It was then that I remembered, after all these years, that I got beaten up when playing Moon Cresta in our local chip shop! When I say 'beaten up', I mean in a kind of 10 year old 80's way, not like today where I would be in the emergency ward getting a bottle removed from my face. It was as clear as yesterday, the chippie was full of kids standing around the machine, and the 'credit' count was up to about 10. I was having a particularly good game. I managed to do something I had never done before, win a free game (I think you got one at 30,000). When my last ship finally blew up, I put my name in and went to play my free game. It was at this point that things got nasty. The kid who was next in line said that it didn't work that way. If you get a free game, you go to the back of the queue. I must have given him some lip because next thing I was on the ground after being floored by a (Cathy) Tyson-esque stomach punch. I can't remember if I cried, but we all got thrown out of the chip shop, and my friends bought me a packet of crisps from the Deli next door while I showed everyone the red mark on my tummy. One of my brother's friends was there and he told my brother, who when next saw my assailant at school, punched him in the head.

I don't think I ever played Moon Cresta again, because that chip shop was the only place I can ever remember having it and I never did go back in there. Now I am wondering what happened to that kid, I can't remember who it was, but I'd love to so I can go onto Friends reunited and mailbomb the bastard.

Word shitlist

On this week's shitlist; über and brigade. Will people please stop using either or both of these words in every sentence.

So I was thinking...

So I was thinking how much I hate it when people start sentences with 'So I ...'

Cream soda

On the 12th of January, 1996 I got drunk. Very drunk. I was living in Durban at the time but had gone up to Johannesburg to watch a one day international between South Africa and England at The Wanderers. On arrival I met with a few friends for 'a couple of quick beers'. One thing led to another and I ended up in a pub talking to some Scotsman wearing a Celtic top telling me how he was just about recovered from the stab wound he received from his nearest and dearest. The pub was called 'The Long Island Iced Tea Bar' and I sampled quite a few of the titular cocktails. My friends and I somehow made it back to where we were staying at about 4am (conservative guess).

Later that morning we were meeting a group over from the UK at a pub nearby to have a spot of breakfast, then head off to the match at about 9:30. Feeling as rough as a gravel track, someone mentioned that I needed to get sugar in my body. He heard that Cream Soda had the highest content of sugar in all known soft drinks, and it was a sure cure for a hangover. There was a newsagents open across the road so I staggered in and procured said can of fizzy pop. I pretty much downed the can because the taste was unbelievably revolting. No sooner had it gone down, 340ml, plus some, of fizzy green stuff came straight back out in full view of 10 friends and numerous disgusted diners.

I had to drive the missus to the airport this morning to pick up the evil-in-law (again) and got the tube into London. At Hounslow West, this girl got on and sat next to me. Her perfume smelt just like Cream Soda. I was wincing the rest of the journey.