Don't you just hate it when...

...you ask someone how they are and they tell you?

The Dunning-Kruger effect

The Dunning-Kruger effect is the phenomenon wherein people who have little knowledge think that they know more than others who have much more knowledge.

The phenomenon was demonstrated in a series of experiments performed by Justin Kruger and David Dunning, then both of Cornell University. They hypothesized that with a typical skill which humans may possess in greater or lesser degree,

1. Incompetent individuals tend to overestimate their own level of skill.


2. Incompetent individuals fail to recognize genuine skill in others.


3. Incompetent individuals fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy.


4. If they can be trained to substantially improve their own skill level, these individuals can recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill.

I am related to a lot of people who possess these 'qualities'.

A note to my employers (past, present and future)

You'd do well to remember that just because I don't complain doesn't mean I am happy.

Escalating problem

I'm not sure when this started happening, but I'm having a real problem on escalators. Considering I have to use the damn things at least 8 times a day, it is getting a bit worrying. Travelling on them seems to be ok, it's the getting on / getting off bit that I'm finding problematic. More specifically, the part where the stairs turn into the flat bit is the trickiest. I've lost count how many times I've nearly fallen face first over the last couple of weeks. Now I have developed a mental problem when using them. It's like I'm 4 years old again.

Scooters

Just because I am no longer a biker, please don't think I hate scooters any less. It's just now I look at them with jealousy.

There's nothing more satisfying...

...than dislodging a raspberry seed that has been stuck between your teeth all day.

CD piracy

I've just read that copying CDs to handhelds or CD is to be made legal.

You mean I've been breaking the law all these years? Next they will allow you to copy your vinyl to C60 cassettes.

Gallons of the stuff

This is kind of personal, so please keep it to yourselves...

I'm not sure why, but of recent I"m pissing like a racehorse during the night. Normally I can go through the night without a trip to the loo, but it's at least twice nightly now. And it's not like a quick tinkle, we're talking Austin Powers post unfreezing here. I'm not drinking more than normal, I have no idea where all this extra fluid is coming from. It's like I've turned into a giant sponge that absorbs airborne moisture.

Anyway, thought I'd share that with you.

Train tales

This guy sat next to me on the train last night. Business suit, briefcase, Financial Times - you know the type. He got on at Waterloo and got off at Ascot, which is about a dozen stops and roughly an hour. Throughout the journey he sniffed. He sniffed every 5 seconds or so, it was like a metronome. Occasionally he cleared his throat, but sniffing was the principal noise he made. When he stood to get off, he reached into his inside pocket, withdrew a pale blue handkerchief and blew his nose. It was almost like he was saving up the whole journey for a big blow. If he sits next to me again I shall have to offer him a tissue.

At Ascot, they shut the rear four coaches on the train because the subsequent station platforms are too short for an 8 carriage train. Therefore at Ascot there is always a slight delay as the guard herds people off the closing carriages onto the front four. I used the time to get my coat on and pack my gadgets in my bag. This youth got on and sat in the seat vacated by the sniffer. As the train pulled off I noticed an unpleasant odour permeating from the youth. It was that 'this item of clothing has been worn far too often and needs a damn good wash' kind of smell. Being a snob and a coward, I mentally belittled him and said nothing. Thankfully, he got off at the next stop. As we continued our journey I realised that the smell was still present and was in fact coming from my own jacket.

Those whacky folks at South West Trains

It's not often I have anything good to say about the trains in this country, but I spotted these on my train this morning. I think it's great that SW Trains are now using ornate designs on the carriage windows to keep the commuters entertained. Bravo I say.

Graffiti revisited

I published a post a little while ago championing the local graffiti in my neck of the woods. On Saturday I came across this gem which further reinforces my belief that Banksy is a Camberley resident.

I'm in the wrong job

It's always a mission getting my family out the house on a Saturday. This weekend was nothing out of the ordinary. It started off ok, nappies changed, offspring dressed, bottles made, dishes washed, all breakfasted up, I'd negotiated my 3 hour drinking pass from my superior. All systems go.

It was 11am, Junior was strapped in the car and we were set. Shit, we were so on time I toyed with the idea that I might even be able to buy the missus a Starbucks (getting more Brownie points in the process) and still make the battle cruiser for kick off.

I was just about to start the car when the boss asked me if it was cold. Now why do women always do that? I gave my usual sarcastic reply like 'not if you are a fucking reptile it's not'. She took this to mean that it was so asked for the keys and went back inside.

10 minutes later she reappeared (I had long since shelved the Starbucks idea) wearing a coat, holding a banana and a large plastic bag from Boots containing what looked like Santa's gift stock for the 2-3am shift. She got back in the car, I asked for the keys and she said 'shit'. She doesn't swear very often, normally at me when I break something, so I knew it was serious.

So, we are in the car, with no keys. Her housekey is on the car keyring. My housekeys could be anywhere, but most certainly not on me. I recall some time ago giving a spare to my mate in case this should happen. Panic over, I rang him. He told me that he gave it back to me last time the in-laws were in town. Shit again, he was right.

We have PVC windows, so breaking one wasn't an option. We have 3 cats, but I've never got round to teaching them key retrieval techniques. I could see one of them on the lounge window cill, fast asleep. I was tempted to wake her up for the hell of it. No good, 118118 and ask for a locksmith.

3 attempts later I finally got one to answer the phone. I explained the situation, that it was cold and I had a baby with me, so he said he'd make a priority call and would be there 'almost immediately'.

An hour later he rang me saying he was held up on the motorway and would be with me as soon as. He eventually got there at 12:30. By this time me and the wife had exhausted our conversation, got over the 'in 2 years we'll be laughing about this' bollocks and were arguing about the tyre pressure on front passenger wheel (why is it always me that has to pump it up?)

The locksmith showed up and took out an A5 sized stiff plastic sheet. He squeezed it into the gap between the door and frame, jiggled it a bit James Bond style and within 30 seconds had the door open. He charged me £108.10 for less than a minute's work. It took him longer to fill out the call sheet.

I got to the pub half an hour early, the wife wasn't going to argue.

Now Xmas is over, whatever next?

Spotted in Sainsburys, Camberley on the 29th of December.

From your fashion correspondent

Judging by the muff count on the Underground this morning, I am going to make a very bold fashion (verbal) statement:

Ear muffs are this years ponchos.

I've even come up with a strapline that shops are free to use in their marketing:
Ear muffs. Make you look stupid. Worn by wankers.

Wii love it

Those clever little budgies at Wii have certainly got my vote. For a year they have been releasing games like cartoon tennis, tenpin bowling and, erm, dancing. Couples across the land have been reaching a compromise:
Hii: I'm going to buy a games console. PS3 I reckon. Maybe an Xbox.
Shii: No way am I going to let you spend your hard earned money on that, but I'll let you buy a Wii because all the games are really girly.

I notice they have just released Tomb Raider and Resident Evil. Rock on!

Overheard on the train

Passenger 1: You look cold
Passenger 2: Nah I'm cool.

Sudoku

Will people please stop doing Sudoku puzzles on the chuff-chuff. I understand that train journies are as dull as an episode of Last Of The Summer Wine, but why not try reading a book, listen to music or something else more stimulating than writing some numbers down? I've seen people get their paper out, page directly to the puzzles, then put the paper away when they fuck it up. Try reading the goddamn paper, you might read something that you can talk about in the pub instead of your job. The guy next to me on the way home last night took the biscuit though; he used two different colour pens as well as a fluorescent pink highlighter. Anyway, everyone knows they are impossible.

I am a hero

Just like the cheerleader in Heroes, I too have incredible powers of recovery. On Xmas eve I cut the top of my left thumb and today it has almost healed. I hope I can keep this quiet though, the last thing I need is some Japanese guy running around shouting 'FRYING MAN' and scaring the kids and pensioners.

Up in smoke

In 2007 we got Global Warming® shoved down our throats. Green taxes on just about everything, car and fuel tax going off the scale, the useless and pointless HIPS being brought in for house sales and so on. Particularly so in London with a huge increase in the Congestion Charge basically forcing large amounts of commuters off the road and onto overpriced, overcrowded, inefficient public transport. All this under the 'reduce carbon emissions' banner. With this in mind, I wonder how the Office Of The Mayor Of London can justify letting off fireworks for full 11 minutes on new year's eve.

Belongings

As we pulled into Waterloo this morning, the guard announced 'Please take all your personal belongings with you'. What other types of belongings are there?

Russian Front

We have cold weather from Russia over the south at the moment. Makes a change from arctic weather I suppose. You wouldn't believe how many folk I have seen dressed in fur (fake I hope) coats and hats, ear muffs and balaclavas. Good people of England, although Siân Lloyd says it's weather from Russia, it does not mean you have to dress like Muscovites. This front has travelled thousands of miles and has lost a bit of it's sting, so let's not over react, alright? It is bloody cold though.

Another reason to hate Chris Tarrant

It was revealed yesterday that one of the titular 'funny' man's favourite pasttimes is to walk up to people playing Who Wants To Be A Millianaire pub machines and saying 'Is that your final answer?' It makes them laugh and they spill their beers apparently. He's a card isn't he?