More barmaid tales

I was in my other other local a couple of weeks ago. I left my other local in good time to get home to make some din din and spend some time with the family, but as I was walking past the other other local (from hereon referred to as 'The Shoes'), my mate banged on the window and beckoned me in. He was having a drink with his missus and a couple of friends. I said I would stay for one. When the 'one' had left the glass quicker than a pig in a synagogue, I was bullied into staying for another. I explained that although the offer was a tempting one, my manhood would be in danger if I did as the wife doesn't have a sense of humour about these things. My mate's wife said 'leave it to me', telephoned my wife and before I knew it, a fresh pint was on its way and the wife and kid sitting next to me.

Anyway, I had spent all my cash in my other local (from hereon referred to as 'The Carp') so when it was my round, I started a tab on my debit card. The late afternoon drinking session soon turned into an evening bender and much quaffing and joviality ensued.

When I could handle no more (ie the wife said 'Titbrain, home, now') I went to settle my tab at the bar. I am very fond of the barmaid, she is a sweet young thing, always happy & chatty, and if I was a single man, would find her rather attractive. But I'm not, so I don't, if you know what I mean. She is also thicker than a plate of mince. After a brief chat, which was probably not brief enough judging by the daggers coming from across the room, she swiped my card (£42) and asked me to enter my PIN. I did as instructed and got greeted with 'Incorrect PIN'. Whoops, fingers a bit wide there. I entered it again, more carefully this time but got the same message. Now I was a bit tipsy, but by no means wankered and was sure I had the right number. So I entered it a third time. Third strike, transaction cancelled, card locked, phone the bank, go to jail, do not pass go etc. The barmaid gave me a 'you stupid drunk prat' look, handed the card back to me and asked if I had cash to settle the bill. It was then that I looked at my card, and realised that it wasn't actually mine at all. She had given me someone else's. I didn't stick around long enough to watch her explain to the poor sod playing pool that his card had been locked, but I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation.