iPhone

You know what the best thing about an iPhone is? Being able to surf the web whilst taking a dump. You don't see that in the adverts do you?

Put it away sir

I was at the hospital recently (nothing serous, don't worry). The guy ahead of me in the queue for the reception desk gave his name, but the receptionist couldn't find his appointment, so asked him what he was doing there. 'I'm here to see the skin specialist' he said. He paused for a second then said 'Dermatosis' before thrusting his scabby hands in front of the receptionist's face. I'm just glad he didn't have VD.

Panasonic Viera Advert

There's and advert on Sky Movies for the titular television, kind of 'This movie is sponsored by...' sort of thing before the film starts. There's this wall that's painted like the Spanish flag and leaning against it is some bird who is painted the same. She bursts from the wall, does a couple of gymnastic moves then has a bit of a barney with a fella, before giving the camera a dirty look and then blending back into the wall. At least she would blend in, being painted like the wall and all, but for the fact she has nostrils like the twin tail pipes on a Subaru. She stands out like a pig in a synagogue.

Barack Obama is a meanie

Did anyone else notice Obama's expression when they announced that he had won the election? He looked a bit serious, kind of concerned. Now you may argue that he was reflecting on a tough fought election campaign, or that he was contemplating the magnitude of the task ahead of him. Perhaps the pressures of the most senior position in the world was playing on his mind. No, no and no, I know what he was thinking. 'Shit, now I have to buy the brats that god damn puppy'.

What a mean man he really is. Most kids get palmed off with 'I'll get you one if you do well at school' or 'next time I get a payrise, the mutt is yours'. Not the Obama offspring. 'Sure kids, I'll get you a puppy when I become president.'

Bet he's not laughing now, that'll learn him.