Guy who lives down the road swears he's Elvis

I've always managed to live in very dull towns. Not that it's anything to get upset about, I just seem to end up in towns where nothing much ever happens. I guess one thing that I think makes a town interesting is whether or not any famous people live or have lived there. For a short while I lived in a village in West Sussex called Steyning. It was kind of a sleepy place and not much ever used to happen there, except Roger Moore (Bond, James Bond amongst other things) would often be spotted in the Chequers Inn having a pint. And Barry from Eastenders lived nearby. Now that's pretty cool.

I was born and bred in Coventry and must say it really is not the centre of the universe. Now you would think that a city with over 300 000 people would be a hot bed for the rich and famous. Uh uh. Amongst the famous Coventrians are actors Nigel Hawthorn and Clive Owen, sportsmen Ian Bell, Danny Grewcock and Neil Back, musicians Terry Hall (he hates Coventry) and Jerry Dammers from The Specials, and Clint Mansell from PWEI, music Producer Pete Waterman (my Dad did his apprenticeship with him). That's about it really. A town with such history and such a large population should really have a bit more to offer you would think. I did, however, used to live down the road from the drummer from Dexy's Midnight Runners. I think he worked at the Peugeot factory.

I had the displeasure of living in Bracknell for 4 years. I just did a search on the web for famous people from there, and drew a blank. Not to be defeated, I tried and treid again, but the most famous person I could find associated to Bracknell was Norah Wilmot who trained horses for the Queen Mother. Nuff said.

I lived in Bath for 3 years. Lovely town (if you ignore the piles of dirty syringes lying about), but again, it's a black hole as far as fame goes. Tears for Fears are from Bath, as is Anne Widdecombe. I heard a rumour that Alicia Silverstone was as well, but that was a lie. Bath is famous for it's Spa, and apparently the Pickwick Papers was written in a room above the Saracen's Head. To me the most famous person in Bath is a guy that paints himself blue and stands outside the Pump Rooms. He calls himself a living statue. He just stands motionless and people give him money. When they do, he moves his arm really slowly. There are various imposters, one guy paints himself gold, there is a white painted women with a parasol, but the blue guy is the original and the best at standing. I was walking through the back streets one lunch time and saw him sharing a fag with the other statues.

Now I'm in Camberley and this has to be the dullest town of the lot. A list of notable Camberlians includes Rufus Brevett, Rick Wakeman and Tim Sills, who plays for the mighty Torquay United. The Spice Girls lived in Camberley for a while (pre fame). Jonny Wilkinson was born in nearby Frimley (in the same hospital as my son was born), but that's not strictly Camberley. And that's y'lot. However there are a couple of local people that I think deserve an honourable mention.

On most Saturdays, outside BHS, you can witness the delights of the Dancing Man, who has to be the worst busker ever. I'll be kind to him and list his good points first. He can play the guitar and harmonica at the same time. The trouble is he can't sing, he is lousy at it. He has a voice that only deaf people can enjoy. He also doesn't do cover versions, which I think is a prerequisite for successful busking. He sings his own songs, and they really are bad. He also has a radio mike and plug for his amplifier, which gives him the freedom to hop from foot to foot and wander about amongst unsuspecting and soon to be embarrassed shoppers, and ask them 'do you like dancing?' during guitar solos. I'm sure he has a website, but I can't find it now. Next time I am in town I'll make a note of it and you can make your own minds up about his limitless talents.

There is a guy who lives down the road from me that drives a blue Honda CRV, with a big sticker on the back 'PETEISELVIS.CO.UK'. I never thought much to it until one night I was coming back from the pub and I saw him unloading a load of musical equipment from the back of it. Now this in itself is not that odd, except he was dressed in a white satin sequined jumpsuit, and had sideburns the size of a cricket strip. The intrigue was too much so I visited the website. Blimey. If Jimmy Tarbuck says he's 'The Best Elvis in the Business', then who am I to argue. I salute you Peteiselvis, you are my local hero.