Pissing against the wind

The security guard at work is a bit of a prat. He cottoned on very early that I like a bit of sport, and then systematically extracted the specifics from me. Now every Friday night on my way out I get 'Who are Coventry going to lose to tomorrow?' and then on Monday morning 'I'm surprised you've showed up today after the result on Saturday'. If we win or draw (seldom) then he'll just talk about something else, but if we lose he'll say 'Told you so. I knew they would lose'. He's a West Indian but been living in London since 1969, so naturally supports Man United. If United lose, and I mention it then the excuse windmill chugs into life 'We should have been given 3 penalties', 'their first four goals were all offside' etc. Trouble is, United rarely lose so I don't get the pleasure to wind him up very often, and if they do he ends up irritating me anyway. He's had great fun with me with the Ashes debacle. He should really apply for Fletcher's job as he knows exactly what is going wrong. He supports West Indies, so rubbishes England at every opportunity. Although last summer, he couldn't shut up about how 'we' won the Ashes, and what a great cricket team 'we' were; he is the human equivalent of a chameleon.

Unfortunately I have to keep him sweet as quite often I need him to unlock doors, get keys cut, activate security passes, turn a blind eye to office parties/fag breaks on the roof etc so I have had to put up with his shit for over 2 years.

At approximately 2am today, Junior woke me up with the type of wailing that is normally associated with torture victims. He eventually dropped off to sleep after a feed/nappy change/cuddle but I was wide awake so I watched a bit of the cricket. I witnessed Warne knocking 7 bells of the brown stuff out of our bowlers, Clarke getting 35 runs rather easily, then our top order tumbling to the Aussie bowlers. A series whitewash is a few overs away. I had a shower about 6am, and left home at 7am arriving at work an hour later. Considering I had 2 hours sleep and had witnessed English cricket at it's lowest ebb since the last lowest ebb, I was not in the best of spirits.

I was welcomed with 'Have you lost yet? You're going to lose 5-0 you know'.

I said to him 'You know what? I've been listening to your crap for 2 years now and I really don't care what you think'.

He said 'Well I think you do'. There's really no point.