You Dim Sum, you lose some

A mate of mine called me up the other day to see if I was about for lunch. Seeing as he is a Leicester fan and I'd not seen him since before the end of the season, I accepted his offer. Lunch approached and I started to look forward, nay, crave, the two pints of fizzy amber loveliness which I was about to consume.

I met him down by Oxford Circus, said our hellos (I thought I'd save the 'Lee-aaag-uue One, you are so League One' chant until later) and set about discussing where we would lunch.
'I know a nice little pub just off Regent St, it isn't far' I offered
'You know what, I really fancy Dim Sum' he replied
'Dim Sum? Dim Sum what? What the fuck is Dim Sum?'
'You'll love it, it's my favourite'.

Now he was paying, so I didn't really have much negotiating power here. I've never had Dim Sum before, I've never heard of Dim Sum before. Being a fat twat, I'll eat anything.

He took me to this restuarant he knows, it was very plush so I felt I was being treating like a proper lady. The menus arrived and beers were ordered. I looked at the menu and didn't recognise anything. Not a '...and served with chips' in sight. I left the ordering of food in his capable hands.

Now for those of you that don't know what to expect when eating at a Dim Sum restaurant, I shall reveal my knowledge forthwith;

1 - The waitron shall arrive balancing a number of circular bamboo baskets on top of each other.
2 - He/she will distribute them evenly across the table.
3 - Your friend will lift the lid off one of them, releasing a gust of steam from the basket, and a 'Mmmmm' from their mouth.
4 - He will then offer the basket to you.
5 - On inspection of contents of offering, you will observe that it contains a collection of items not dissimilar in size, shape and characteristics of ravioli that has been put on the boil then forgotten about for at least the duration of an Eastenders omnibus.
6 - You will then attempt, mostly unsuccessfully, to manoeuvre the ravioli clone from the basket into your dish using two sticks without stabbing it or dropping it on the table or floor.
7 - Once safely positioned on your dish, you will wait for your friend to do the same. It's polite.
8 - After watching him stick the thing in his mouth, you attempt, using the sticks, to do the same.
9 - On successful completion of relocating the Dim/Sum (delete where applic) you will notice that it's core is made up of some sort of indeterminable fish, surrounded by what can only be described as wallpaper paste mixed with snot.
10 - You say 'Mmmmm' through gritted teeth as you try desperately to swallow the bogey you've just passed through your lips.
11- You repeat steps 6-10 until you have the guts to either admit that you would rather blow a goat, or you find the power of speech to say 'I couldn't possibly, they are so filling'.

Next time, I'm paying.