Banks

I have just had a very entertaining call to my bank. I noticed yesterday that I had been charged for an unpaid direct debit, £35 for the pleasure. Now I have to confess that my account is normally in a state of disrepair and I single handedly contribute half of their annual profits in unpaid bill fees. But checking back through my statement I saw that Direct Debit #14 was in fact paid and my account had enough money in it to complete the transaction legally. So I give them a call to query it. After the usual 'How can we help you on this fine day' and 'So nice to speak you again...' nonsense that only call centres in Calcutta know how to do, we got down to business.
'The reason for the charge was that the bill was unpaid in July'.
'Er, no, looking at my statement, that payment went through'.
'It's because that bill wasn't paid on the 14th of June'.
'Let me check... nope, it went through in June as well, on the 26th. Nothing went out on the 14th'.
'Yes, but it was unpaid in May'.
'...just going to that page now... it was paid in May as well. Do you have my account in front of you or are you making this up'.
'Ok Mr SkyBlueSnowy, as a goodwill gesture, we will refund the charge to your account'.

A 'goodwill gesture'??? You mean you ballsed up, please use the correct terminology. Then I got hit with
'It's important that you keep an eye on your balance, either at an ATM or on your online account. After all, (and I quote) money is as money does (????)'.

Yes, thank you, next time I want to hear a misquote from Forrest Gump I'll be sure to give you a tinkle.