Hazards
About a year or so ago I decided, whilst stuck on a train outside Waterloo, that I would get a motorbike and ditch the public transport gig. I'd been working in central London for about 4 years, and had probably been delayed for a total of a year for one reason or another. I never had too much of a problem with the Underground, it was the trains that got me. For those that have never experienced the British rail system, boy you are missing a treat. Many a night I have been stuck at some obscure station in the fog waiting in vain for an announcement telling me how the hell I am going to get home. The station announcers even have a scale for delays; if late less than 15 minutes - we are sorry for the delay; if late between 15-30 minutes - we are very sorry...; if late over 30 minutes - we are EXTREMELY sorry; if late over an hour - you just don't get any info and they deny everything. S'all mind games you see. Like the rail-speak they use to make them sound superior to you and to make you think that they know what they are doing. Ticket inspectors are now Revenue Inspectors, you don't get off a train anymore, you 'alight' from the train and so on. And then there's the cost of using this great service: the increases are indexed linked to the Argentinian economy I think. Anyway, I had had enough, so decided to do the motorcycle thing, and opened up a hell of a lot of frustration.
There are 3 main hazards when riding a motorcycle in central London (there are many hazards, but 3 that are like a constant toothache.)
Buses - All buses. Coaches ferrying tourists from Chicago to Hove via Oxford Street, open topped tour buses, public transport buses. Now they have introduced these bendy buses (two buses glued together with a piano accordian.) These things are great, they get stuck around corners and block junctions presumably because the driver actually can't see the end of it. Two major problems with buses, they are too wide for the roads, and they are driven by people that would probably fail an IQ test.
Next up, pedestrians. I don't know what it is about London, but these guys just don't seem to grasp the concept that green man means walk, red man means don't walk, and that if a big metal object with 2, 4 or more wheels hits them, it might sting a bit. There is a junction at Oxford Street that I ride over every night, and I swear to God I have to swerve to miss pedestrians at both ends, every single night. Now I can forgive tourists who are wide eyed and in awe of such manificance as HMV and the shop that sells plastic bobby's helmets, but it's not just them, it's people in suits who obviously work in the area. You think they would know. There is also a mentality that if one person walks, it must be safe. Sheep, the lot of them. Worst is when it rains, you see them all scurrying across the roads for cover like rats in a sewer. Pestilance.
But the biggest problem on the roads, effin scooters. Man these guys get my back up. Typical situation: I manage to filter my way thru the traffic and appear unscathed between two cars at the front of the queue, front wheel over the solid white line to give myself a bit of clearance from the cars ready to pull off when the light turns green (which means GO, take note pedestrians). Next thing a scooter will appear from nowhere, squeeze past me and position himself a few feet ahead of me, F1 grid stylee. Ok whatever. Take a quick glance at said scooterist in the vain hope that he/she/it will see the annoyance on my face. Don't make eye contact as he/she/it eyes my bike, no doubt thinking 'Gee, that's a big one, but what's that stick thing by his right footpeg'. Lights go green and I give it some welly, not because I am a racer, just so I can get some clear tar between me and the cars. Lo and behold, the mosquito is slightly ahead of me because of the sheer power and acceleration of his twin turbo single gear 50cc beast, coupled with the live-fast-die-young-gotta-race-race-race attitude. The race normally lasts about, oooo, as far as the manhole cover mid-junction, then it's a case of trying to find a way past the scooter. If it's a clear road it's easy enough, but if you're in traffic, you have to hope that you get past it before coming across another load of cars, or else your stuck behind it in first gear until the next open stretch. Once past scooter, repeat the above for 15 miles. Frankly guys, I am getting fed up with it. Yes, you can go 0-30 in 2 seconds. Unfortunately, you go 30-35 in about 2 minutes. There are enough obstacles on the road without having to overtake the same bloody scooter after every junction.
I liken them (scooter / scooterist combo) to those annoying kids you get at weddings. You know the type, their single mother has ignored the 'regrets - no children' bit on the invitation, so the little fecker has got no other kids to play with. They spend the entire reception sliding across the polished floor on their knees, pestering every adult trying to have a conversation and then throwing up and wailing because they are tired and 'cross'. You hear people say 'hasn't he got a lot of energy'. Read 'will someone throw that little twat in the river'. The type of kid whose mum doesn't believe in smacking, but talks to him 'like an adult, it's so much better and he respects me for it'. Stop it woman, the brat is a living advert for birth control, and deserves a damn sound thrashing until he's old enough to fight back. Oh, and they are always boys, never girls. Let's take this back to the road. Scooters are annoying, unwelcome and constantly pester.
Think I might start taking the train again.
There are 3 main hazards when riding a motorcycle in central London (there are many hazards, but 3 that are like a constant toothache.)
Buses - All buses. Coaches ferrying tourists from Chicago to Hove via Oxford Street, open topped tour buses, public transport buses. Now they have introduced these bendy buses (two buses glued together with a piano accordian.) These things are great, they get stuck around corners and block junctions presumably because the driver actually can't see the end of it. Two major problems with buses, they are too wide for the roads, and they are driven by people that would probably fail an IQ test.
Next up, pedestrians. I don't know what it is about London, but these guys just don't seem to grasp the concept that green man means walk, red man means don't walk, and that if a big metal object with 2, 4 or more wheels hits them, it might sting a bit. There is a junction at Oxford Street that I ride over every night, and I swear to God I have to swerve to miss pedestrians at both ends, every single night. Now I can forgive tourists who are wide eyed and in awe of such manificance as HMV and the shop that sells plastic bobby's helmets, but it's not just them, it's people in suits who obviously work in the area. You think they would know. There is also a mentality that if one person walks, it must be safe. Sheep, the lot of them. Worst is when it rains, you see them all scurrying across the roads for cover like rats in a sewer. Pestilance.
But the biggest problem on the roads, effin scooters. Man these guys get my back up. Typical situation: I manage to filter my way thru the traffic and appear unscathed between two cars at the front of the queue, front wheel over the solid white line to give myself a bit of clearance from the cars ready to pull off when the light turns green (which means GO, take note pedestrians). Next thing a scooter will appear from nowhere, squeeze past me and position himself a few feet ahead of me, F1 grid stylee. Ok whatever. Take a quick glance at said scooterist in the vain hope that he/she/it will see the annoyance on my face. Don't make eye contact as he/she/it eyes my bike, no doubt thinking 'Gee, that's a big one, but what's that stick thing by his right footpeg'. Lights go green and I give it some welly, not because I am a racer, just so I can get some clear tar between me and the cars. Lo and behold, the mosquito is slightly ahead of me because of the sheer power and acceleration of his twin turbo single gear 50cc beast, coupled with the live-fast-die-young-gotta-race-race-race attitude. The race normally lasts about, oooo, as far as the manhole cover mid-junction, then it's a case of trying to find a way past the scooter. If it's a clear road it's easy enough, but if you're in traffic, you have to hope that you get past it before coming across another load of cars, or else your stuck behind it in first gear until the next open stretch. Once past scooter, repeat the above for 15 miles. Frankly guys, I am getting fed up with it. Yes, you can go 0-30 in 2 seconds. Unfortunately, you go 30-35 in about 2 minutes. There are enough obstacles on the road without having to overtake the same bloody scooter after every junction.
I liken them (scooter / scooterist combo) to those annoying kids you get at weddings. You know the type, their single mother has ignored the 'regrets - no children' bit on the invitation, so the little fecker has got no other kids to play with. They spend the entire reception sliding across the polished floor on their knees, pestering every adult trying to have a conversation and then throwing up and wailing because they are tired and 'cross'. You hear people say 'hasn't he got a lot of energy'. Read 'will someone throw that little twat in the river'. The type of kid whose mum doesn't believe in smacking, but talks to him 'like an adult, it's so much better and he respects me for it'. Stop it woman, the brat is a living advert for birth control, and deserves a damn sound thrashing until he's old enough to fight back. Oh, and they are always boys, never girls. Let's take this back to the road. Scooters are annoying, unwelcome and constantly pester.
Think I might start taking the train again.
posted by SkyBlueSnowy @ 7:41 am
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