Hitlist and Shitlist

Maria Sharapova
For making Wimbledon bearable, proving there is life after Kournikova, grunting so and giving me a warm tingley feeling everytime I see her.

Aitkins diet
I love meat. I'm fat. I hate diets. So you can imagine my glee when a diet comes along that demands consumption of 5kg of meat a day. Who cares if I lose weight.

English weather
Any chance we could have something in between bollock vanishing freezing and skin melting boiling please?

UPS/Sound Control/Thieving pikey neighbours
Between these three I've just lost £30 and a lot of patience. Deliver the parcel to someone four doors down, who I have never met and ends up being a thieving bastard, then deny everything and blame Sound Control. Contact Sound Control and they blame UPS. I blame them all and hope that they all die a horrid death.

Scooters/scooterists
Jesus guys, a one day CBT course does not really prepare you for central London at peak hour. In spite of your Alpinestars leathers, you don't look cool, you look like a twat. Whizzing in between my spokes and trying to race me from traffic lights does not impress me, it just makes me want run over your 50cc mosquito. Know your place.

Crouch and Hargreaves
The 2 biggest mistakes Sven made? Nope, got a lot more respect for these boys as they were the only decent England players in the tournament. Sirs, forgive me for getting it wrong, I salute thee.

Christiano Ronaldo/Portugal
Not a bullet wound in sight. Stay on your feet, there's a good little boy. (Match highlights from England v Portgual found here)

St Andrew Murray
For proving that you don't have to be English to be shit at tennis.

St Andrew Murray
For being an arrogant lanky prick from the provinces who thinks making friends involves alienating 40 million people who used to support you and moaning moaning moaning. You're shit, and you know you are.

Half Man Half Biscuit
You have been rocking my world for 20 years and you still have the decency to keep going. I love you and want to have your children.