Strictly come dancing

What the hell is this all about? It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a bunch of z-list celebrities prancing about trying to add a few seconds of 'fame' onto their 15 minutes, then I could just disregard it as another crap show on terrestrial television. I was horrified when Darren Gough was in it last year. What was he thinking? He's been one of the best aggressive England bowlers in my lifetime, I really don't want to see him doing the tango with some over tanned bint with a scary grin on her mush. I might let that one slip as he's a bit of a poser, earinged up and all that, and has an ego the size of Egypt.

Now this year Matt Dawson, a rugby world cup winner, and Mark Rampracash, one of the best county cricketers of all time are at it. What is the world coming to? Don't these men have any shame? Men dancing without the aid of some narcotic is just not right. It's bad enough that men seem to think wearing bright pink shirts is acceptable, but the thought of some of my all time sporting heroes spiraling about in overtight trousers AND taking it seriously just makes me want to pull my satellite dish off the roof. I just pray to the big G in the sky that these folk get beaten to a pulp when they return to their respective sporting teams.

A plea to all people I have respect for: don't.